To the outside world

A little thing I wrote this morning

To the outside world. You stop and stare at my child and me.
Yes we look like were taking part in W.W.E.
I know it looks harsh me holding my child by the arms and legs, but hear me when I say am not hurting her.
Am not a bad mum, my child is not having a tantrum,
You see my child has autism, the outside world is scary to her.
If I wasn’t holding her in some sort of wrestling move, she may come to harm. She does not understand that she can’t just run.
The sounds we hear to us can be fun , but these sounds to her make her run…it’s not just sounds it’s smells too.
So while you’re all staring can I please ask don’t judge me or my daughter cause to us this is just normal.

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Bullied

Like many of us out there I was bullied as a child.
I’ve sat and wondered why I was bullied and the only thing I can think off is it was because I was nice. I wouldn’t sit and gossip about people and I’ve always treated everyone the same.
Also I have dyslexia so i was bullied for that called dumb and think and that wasn’t just by the children in my classes this was by the teachers.
I remember being aged 11 and in an English class the teacher was talking about Shakespeare she asked a question and when I put my hand up and give the answer her face went red and she said I was cheating and I must of got the answer from someone else. She sent me too stand outside the class. I was heartbroken all the children were laughing as I walked out in tears.
At the end of the lesson I tried to tell my English teacher I knew the answer as my granddad had been massively into Shakespeare and many other poets. But she didn’t listen.

My home life was not good so I had no one to turn to and tell about how badly I was being treated in school. So I started to skip…..well what was the point in going to school if you spend most your time hiding in the toilets or standing outside of the lessons.

I passed my gcse’s at the age of sixteen by going to collage I did them in one year and got the support I needed for my dyslexia from the collage. When I started my reading age was 8yrs when I left it was 14yrs. The help was fabulous and I remember the first book I ever read on my own was Angela’s ashes by Frank McCout.

Now am going to jump forward Afew years am a mother of to girls and am living in a nice house. I’ve noticed something is not right with my youngest and am fighting with the doctors which is hard.

For the first time in life I have a group of friends we are all mothers and we all get along. When a women moves into the house across from me and she has a little girl I help her out and introduce her to my friends. Everything seems fine.

Then boom all of a sudden Afew month later am being bullied yet again. This women turns my friends against me saying I’ve been talking about them and all sorts of horrid and nasty things.

I felt weak again I felt fear of even sitting in my own garden. I shut the doors and kept my girls close to me.
At this point I lost my relationship with the girls dad. I’d lost myself.
I’d decided I was going to move away so I could be closer to my sister, as she was all I had left.

After suffering months of abuse from my neighbours I managed to find a house near my sister and I moved.

I call it now the best move ever. Cause looking back I realised with everything those so called friends had put me through it resulted in me having a nervous breakdown.

Even though I’ve had years of being bullied and made to feel really rubbish about myself I’ve stayed me. Ok I lack in confidence and I still suffer from old scares, am working on it all everyday for if I didn’t the bullies would win.

So if you are a child or adult being bullied remember it’s the bully who is in the wrong, stay strong, stay true and remember you can’t help being you it’s your DNA and that’s why people like you……and so what if they don’t don’t change……because a bully will only win if you do.

It’s along lonely Journey but if I can come out of it still a nice caring lady then you can too.

Thank you x

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