To the outside world

A little thing I wrote this morning

To the outside world. You stop and stare at my child and me.
Yes we look like were taking part in W.W.E.
I know it looks harsh me holding my child by the arms and legs, but hear me when I say am not hurting her.
Am not a bad mum, my child is not having a tantrum,
You see my child has autism, the outside world is scary to her.
If I wasn’t holding her in some sort of wrestling move, she may come to harm. She does not understand that she can’t just run.
The sounds we hear to us can be fun , but these sounds to her make her run…it’s not just sounds it’s smells too.
So while you’re all staring can I please ask don’t judge me or my daughter cause to us this is just normal.

Full speed train

Yesterday my sister sent me a link, I click on it and as I read I felt like a full speed train had just hit me.

The article was about a boy who’s parents had left him at the age of 12 with £20 cash and a few microwave meals while they went on holiday.

The boy was in court giving evidence against his parents who are pleading not guilty.

The reason this hit me is because myself and my sister where neglected as children. I really thought that I had worked on my issues from my childhood but after the way this hit me I realise that I am still angry.

Am angry at the fact so many adults that were around us failed to do anything about the way out mother was treating us.

She would leave us for upto 2weeks at a time with no food and no money. There would be no electric in our house as we had token meters. We would sit with blankets around us.

The neglect started when I was age 6 and my sister 8. My mum was getting a divorce from our stepdad.
She was and still is an alcoholic. Off she would swan for nights out with her friends. Drinking and partying coming home with various people and they would bring home take aways. If me or my sister entered the room we would get told off. In the mornings we would see if any food was left over but if there was it had cigarette ash and stumps init so we couldn’t eat it.

She didn’t care about our schooling. Over the years we moved around from town to town. Yes she would enrol us into schools, but as we grow up we lost interest in going. ( in my blog bullied I talk about my school life )

By the age of 12-13 my sister had had enough she moved with her best friend and her family. Leaving me at home alone. I don’t blame my sister one bit she after all was only a child why should she have to bring up her little sister.

After my sister moved out I had to fend for myself, I took to stealing food from the village shop. I think they knew they must of they never stopped me and for that I was grateful. Looking back now I feel bad for steeling but I had too.

My mother went on many holidays with friends or on her own. One time when she was on her adventures away. I’d had a cold bath and needed to dry my hair. I found a hair dryer in my mums room and it had no back to the plug so I pushed it into the socket. Yep you guessed it I electrocuted myself, I was dressed and ran out the house I was so scared the feeling of the electric running up my arm I thought I was going to die.

We told people about the way out mother was but no one stood up and did anything. Why?
How can people turn away from children?

I know that I will never know the answers as the people in question seem to scared to talk about it. Maybe cause they feel guilty we will never know.

Am glad the boy in the article had people around him that were not to scared to say this is not right and to support the boy. I also hope that the court finds his parents guilty and they get what they deserve.

My sister and I thought our mother was ready to admit the hurt and pain she had caused us Afew years ago when she asked us to goto a family cancelling meeting.
Turned out she was not, my sister and I poured our hearts out in that meeting for her to sit there and say it didn’t happen. Well that’s the way an alcoholics mind works. They rewrite and tell lies so no one discovers the truth about them. It’s the sad and sorry truth she will manipulate people until the day she dies.

Myself and my sister no longer have her in our life as she won’t admit to the pain she has caused us.
It seems that no matter how hard we try to move on our pain still stays the same. Also to this day our mother is still lying and manipulating people into believing she is right and we are wrong.

No matter what we know the hardship of an abusive mother and we know we will never make that mistake with our children, if anything we are too soft with our children as we don’t want them to think of us badly.

Here is the link my sister sent me.
http://www.cumbriacrack.com/2014/03/18/boy-gives-evidence-parents-home-alone-case/